Fighting For Balance In Ministry
The tension between ministry and family life is an age-old reality for the pastor. He feels it when his wife needs him and there are hours of sermon prep to complete. It tugs at his shirt when a ministry crisis arises and his children have the stomach flu.
He looks to the Bible for comfort, but it offers him little reprieve. One minute he’s told to shepherd his flock and equip the saints, yet the next passage calls him to lay down his life for his wife and disciple his children (1 Peter 5:2; Ephesians 4:11-12, 5:25, 6:4). The question for us today is, “How are we as pastors striving to live faithfully amidst the pull?”
In some regard, this pressure is unique to us. We are, after all, both Christian men and leaders of God’s people, and the Bible has much to say about both roles. Unquestionably, we should read the Scriptures as Christ-followers because at the very core that’s who we are. But, on the other hand, there are particular texts that specifically address our calling to shepherd God’s people. How are we to remain obedient to the Scriptures as both disciples and leaders amidst the unpredictability of ministry and family responsibilities? Is it really possible to strike any semblance of balance?
Social Media Systematizing
If you’re on Twitter, you’ll notice most men in ministry get the Biblical sequence right in their bio. It goes something like this: Christian. Husband. Father. Pastor.
It’s a nice, orderly fashion. Easy enough, right?
However, as we survey the pastoral landscape, most of us are painfully learning more every day that it’s a whole lot easier to list these off correctly than nail each God-given role. In the fight for faithfulness, we sometimes see approaches that sound like this: “Put Jesus first, and everything else will just fall into place.” Or, “Don’t be lopsided. Try to spend an equal amount of time and energy on your family and your ministry.”
While these approaches strive to be Biblically faithful, I don’t find them particularly helpful. We need to stop thinking about our multiple roles as equal pieces of pie. Spending a similar amount of time and energy in each role does not necessarily equate to an A+ letter grade. Even prioritizing each hat from the top down is not a guarantee that we are going to be hitting home runs every day.
So, instead of the pie analogy, I propose the following to be a bit more practical way for us to navigate the tension.
Filling Buckets
Think of each of your roles – disciple, husband, father, and pastor – as individual buckets. You need to spend your days filling up these buckets in varying degrees. This filling up requires your investment, time and energy.
There are days you need to spend substantial time on one particular bucket. Some days (certainly your Sabbath) are for your own soul care. When you have a day that you have an unusual amount of personal solitude, take advantage of it. Feast on Scripture. Pray for extended periods of time. Do anything and everything that fills you up with love for Jesus.
Some days and blocks of time are strictly for your family. Be present with them. Rejuvenate your wife and children with joy and laughter. Put away your devices and strive to love them well during these moments.
The reality for many of us is that we are wearing all four hats on any given day. Most days we don’t have the option to devote the lion’s share of our energy to one bucket alone; we have to allocate our time and invest in multiple areas. So, we juggle our roles and try our best to juggle faithfully. This is where we desperately need the wisdom of the Spirit to make the best use of our time for our own souls and the souls of those around us (Ephesians 5:16).
However challenging our tension may be, as pastors we strive to set the pace for the church in regard to work and home life balance. We do this by modeling lives that don’t waste time. We use those fifteen minutes before the next meeting to read and fill our minds with theological truth. Instead of mindlessly surfing the Internet, we take a minute to call our wife and see how her day is going. We aim to seize every opportunity for the glory of Jesus and the people of God (Galatians 6:20).
Trusting the Good Shepherd
Being a Christian/Husband/Dad/Pastor is really hard. Personal failure and letting people down are inevitable. Praise Christ our worth is not wrapped up in how well we perform in each role, but in the finished work of our Savior for us at Calvary. He is the only Man who juggled His God-given callings perfectly. Thankfully, we can rest in his righteousness, not our own.
While we need grace from Jesus, we also need to actively trust in Jesus. He loves our churches, wives, and children infinitely more than we do, so let’s start living like He does. As you pull out of your driveway and put your hand to the plow, be confident that Jesus is holding your wife and children throughout the day. When the weight and responsibility of pastoral ministry overwhelm you, remember who the Chief Shepherd of your church is. Leave the office knowing that your people are safe because Jesus never stops fighting off the wolves.
The ministry and family life tension will never fully fade this side of eternity, and we will constantly feel the pull. Some days we nail it in one area only to struggle along in another, but His grace is sufficient. We can labor daily for balance knowing Jesus sees our desire to be faithful, and He will empower us for His glory and the flourishing of those we are called to shepherd, lead and love.
